Funny New Year’s Resolutions

I read Luise’s thoughtful New Year’s resolutions.  They said all that needed to be said so in response I decided to write my less serious New Year’s Resolutions and I am basing it on funny quotations so here goes.

1. When Dealing with my children remember what Harry Truman said:

“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.”

2. When playing bridge with Ray remember

“Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.”                                            -George Burns–

3. When I play bridge on BBO remember what Mae West said:

“Good sex is like good bridge, if you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”

4. Rejoice in my friends who are as Bernard Meltzer said:

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”

5. When I am working remember what Scott Adams, my favourite work humorist, said

“Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue“

6. When my grandchildren visit remember:

“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”
-Sam Levenson–

7. When planning for the future remember a favourite quote from the great philosopher Yogi Berra:

“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”

Some other quotes to keep in mind in 2009

Eighty percent of success is showing up …..  Woody Allen

Didn’t come up here to read. Came up here to hit. …. Hand Aaron

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards …. Benjamin Franklin

To sum it up for those who know me I resolve to stop doing this:

“That’s the secret to life… replace one worry with another….”
-Charlie Brown

And do this instead:

“Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it.”
-Danny Kaye