I Have A Little List

If you are familiar with Gilbert and Sullivan (and if you live with Ray Lee you will be!) than you will know this song from the Mikado.  This song is song by Ko-Ko, the new Lord High Executioner.  He is planning his first victim and he sings a song about how he has a little list … .. All of these are such that … none of them would be missed.

Every time I have seen the play performed which is quite a lot many current references are added to the list.  I suppose for example one might add a line about Bernie Madoff or Hugo Chavez or people who hum a song in the theater as you try to listen to the real artist (Ray and I recently enjoyed that one).  So what would be some bridge references:

certainly you could start with simple ones like:

– players who abuse their partners and of course anyone who signals with a pencil, hand or foot

I know that “NONE OF THEM would be missed”

Some more that come to mind might be:

• Players who call themselves experts but have not learned how to play
• A bridge board of directors which doesn’t allow new conventions (well that would be on my list)
• People who seemed most interesting in winning in committee
• Tournaments with almost as many events as players
• A master point system that is dying under its own weight (or so I think)
• Partners who make faces
• Players who come to your table on BBO and leave after two boards

Chorus (lyrics slightly offered for gender purposes)

She’s got ’em on the list — she’s got ’em on the list;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed

Do you have some to add?

And how did I get on to Gilbert and Sullivan.  It started when I decided to throw out Ray’s VHS tapes of G&S mainly because we don’t have a player any more.  He pulled them out of the garbage and kept then in a pile on a table for three days while he contemplated them.  Then he decided it was okay to throw them out because he would buy the DVD version.  (If I had known this I would never have started the whole thing).  So he was happily playing Yeoman of the guard as tonight’s entertainment.  Thus putting G&S in my brain.