You raise an interesting point about celebrating efforts vs. results and it is something that I strive for on a daily basis in my parenting techniques.

Rewarding and celebrating only efforts is ALWAYS my goal because, somewhat ironically, rewarding for results doesn’t get results!

I’m specifically going to be talking about very young and impressionable minds here (in the 2-10 year old range), but I believe that the same principles hold true no matter how old you are. I’m going to speak in terms of parenting, because it’s what I know best.

Suppose you said to your child: “Wow, you got an A on your report card! You’re really smart!”.

Contrast this with:

“Wow, you dunked the basketball! You’re really tall!”

What’s the difference in those two sentences? The latter isn’t really a compliment, is it? Because the basketball player doesn’t have any control over his height — it’s genetic. The same is true for the first sentence as well — a child can’t control his intelligence, so it’s not really a compliment either. What the child can control is how hard they worked to get that A, or the efforts that they made in their basketball practice.

If a child is smart, continually rewarding her for results (because they are usually good results) is a double-edged sword. When the child doesn’t really try very hard, but gets an A anyway, and gets rewarded for it, she learns that she doesn’t really need to work hard. When she DOES try at something that maybe she isn’t very good at, she won’t try to improve or do better, she will just give up. Because what’s the point in trying if you can’t get rewarded or if you aren’t the best? Only being the best matters, so everything else isn’t worth doing.

Now, if a child isn’t smart, but is continually rewarded for his efforts (and it doesn’t really matter whether or not he gets good results), he will be more willing to try things that he isn’t very good at. He will be more likely to try harder when something isn’t going the way he wants it to. He will be more willing and able to critically look at his work and evaluate whether or not the work was a “good result”. He will be his own critic, his own judge, he will have an internal motivation and he will achieve HIS personal best — whatever that may be.

I always reward based on efforts, not based on results. Because rewarding efforts gets results.

(BTW, it’s virtually impossible to reward efforts from an Olympic competition unless you actually KNOW the effort that was involved in getting the person to where they are today. Unless you personally know the athlete, I don’t believe that it is even possible to reward for “efforts” because you will never have enough information to make that call of whether or not they should be “rewarded”.)

I wanted to add as an afterthought: in an Olympic competition, if an athlete achieves his or her personal best in the competition (even if they finished in last place) I would feel proud of their accomplishments!

Dear Linda, Referring to your point as to what can be done to inspire people to play bridge is a tough tough question. Publicity is one key factor…..endorsements by big celebrities outside the game is another. Perhaps the game needs to be glamourised in some way. It needs to get onto TV. Over here we have a programme called “Strictly come dancing ” where celebrity non-dancers pair up with professionals. Each week they compete in a dance-off competition, where one couple gets knocked out until there’s a final of 4. Perhaps you Canadians could run a Strictly Come Bridging competition on the same lines. Big showbiz celebrities learning to play bridge with their professional bridge partners. Then comes the weekly competition ( best clips shown ), where the bottom pair must then leave the show. Finally, from the last four couples play, the top pair will be declared the winners. I’m sure viewers would be fascinated to see celebs struggling to come to terms with a very challenging mind sport……and with expert commentary, viewers might get to realise te abstract beauty of the game. Do you have any contact with canadian TV producers? Yours Howard

competition where one gets knocked out, and the eventual

Hi Linda, Luise and Howard,

Linda, you have capsulized very important competitive decisions and the reasons why, to which I am impressed. It may be difficult to exclude the individuality of any athlete when it comes to desire or to goals which, in turn, at these Olympics caused a flame-out for those Canadians who had set their sights on gold or nothing.

While it is well known that Canadians as a group should be classified as staunch, talented, well meaning individuals, at least in bridge, the administrators suffered through a period of self-serving decisions which contributed toward lesser results than their Country’s talent deserved.

Please continue writing, using your considerable sense of humor, but always in a truthful, constructive, Canadian is primary, way.

Luise, I agree totally in your direction and teaching of young people. You cannot distribute talent or fate, and therefore only have an influence on effort. After all, even a supremely gifted person needs incentive for him or her to even begin to achieve what he or she is capable of accomplishing so what you are doing and suggesting is picture perfect. However, history still has genius like Tiger Woods reduced to tabloids, a victim of the poisoned flowers on the way to sainthood. Try as we like and must, the sweet smell of success is very difficult to achieve and sometimes even harder to maintain.

Howard, your idea’s, both now and maybe later, are what bridge needs, which, when blessed with the next stage of experiment and fulfillment, lead us to where all of us connected to bridge, want to go. The three of you make a formidable triad and all worth listening to, and perhaps leading us.